Anybody think they're really unlucky?

[Bangkokhibby]

I buy something online, it arrives and it's fucked, or nothing like I ordered.

Get wifi/broadband connected it hardly gives you 5% of what you pay for.

Every traffic light is red.

Go on youtube for instructions on how to fix something and your problem is different to the common fix. Or the fix is there but it's in Tamil.

Google photos works for every *&*^ except you.

Yes I know you focus on the shit and believe it's the norm but come on, just gimmee a fucking break universe.

 

[1875]

 

[Stu]

I buy something online, it arrives and it's fucked, or nothing like I ordered.

Get wifi/broadband connected it hardly gives you 5% of what you pay for.

Every traffic light is red.

Go on youtube for instructions on how to fix something and your problem is different to the common fix. Or the fix is there but it's in Tamil.

Google photos works for every *&*^ except you.

Yes I know you focus on the shit and believe it's the norm but come on, just gimmee a fucking break universe.

You're probably not going to thank me for this. Wish you a long-desired slice of lady luck, sounds like it's overdue.

This kind of thinking is what we call 'overgeneralisation' which is a type of cognitive distortion. Basically, it's a way of thinking about things in a biased way, a mental filter of sorts if you like. Taken to its extent, it can lead to emotions and behaviours that are problematic such as depression, anxiety and low self-esteem.

We can recognise it by people using 'absolutist' words such as 'always', 'never', 'nothing' or 'everything'. People tend to interpret things more broadly for one single event.

Anyway, one of the ways to deal with it to talk about it so you're definitely on the right lines!

Seriously, don't the majority of us tend to have these times once in a while? I know I've certainly had times when I couldn't seem to catch a break. I don't really fully believe in luck though outward evidence would seem to suggest otherwise at time. I suppose it depends on how you define 'luck'.

Anyway, one of the ways in which to deal with this is to talk about it so you're definitely on the right lines!

 

[Bangkokhibby]

You're probably not going to thank me for this. Wish you a long-desired slice of lady luck, sounds like it's overdue.

This kind of thinking is what we call 'overgeneralisation' which is a type of cognitive distortion. Basically, it's a way of thinking about things in a biased way, a mental filter of sorts if you like. Taken to its extent, it can lead to emotions and behaviours that are problematic such as depression, anxiety and low self-esteem.

We can recognise it by people using 'absolutist' words such as 'always', 'never', 'nothing' or 'everything'. People tend to interpret things more broadly for one single event.

Anyway, one of the ways to deal with it to talk about it so you're definitely on the right lines!

Seriously, don't the majority of us tend to have these times once in a while? I know I've certainly had times when I couldn't seem to catch a break. I don't really fully believe in luck though outward evidence would seem to suggest otherwise at time. I suppose it depends on how you define 'luck'.

Anyway, one of the ways in which to deal with this is to talk about it so you're definitely on the right lines!

I know you're right but fuck me it's hard to stay positive in the face of relentless bad luck. And yes, relentless is an absolutist word.
Thanks for the pep talk. I know things could be so much worse

 

[Stu]

I know you're right but fuck me it's hard to stay positive in the face of relentless bad luck. And yes, relentless is an absolutist word.
Thanks for the pep talk. I know things could be so much worse

Not a lecture BH, just talking generally. Wish you the best with things mate.

Sometimes we seem to wade through an endless supply of crap, I agree. I talked to a guy yesterday who in the space of a week, his wife was diagnosed with a condition where she has currently lost the sight of one eye, his mother's former cancer has come back and he has a problem with his much needed car to get to work which would need four grand spending on it and so is therefore going to be scrapped. I mean, how do you make sense of these things all happening together.

One thing I always think of is that doing the downward soclal comparisons - comparing yourself to someone perceived as worse off doesn't necessarily help. It can actually make you feel worse in the long term through guilt that people are suffering much more than you and yet you're still not happy. It can also remind you of the extent to which your fortunes might slump.

I'm not so much into the 'think positively' mantra, not solely anyway, perhaps surprisingly as my favoured area of therapy is positive psychology. It sounds a great idea but it can mean the negative being ignored which at worst, can be dangerous. Far better to take and apply that positive feeling to yourself and the character strengths you possess and how these things can help you through and succeed.

 

[SuperTortolano]

I totally understand the mindset, I feel the same way sometimes. I even say out loud and compare shit to the movie the Trumann Show. Driving along a road and cars just randomly appear and go slow as fuck. Most obscure place where a car hasn't appeared for ages and now there's fuckin 4 all going slow. Or walking down an isle shopping and all of a sudden people all swarm and around me from nowhere. I'm probably just fucked in the head and let the little shit get to me too much

 

[Bangkokhibby]

I totally understand the mindset, I feel the same way sometimes. I even say out loud and compare shit to the movie the Trumann Show. Driving along a road and cars just randomly appear and go slow as fuck. Most obscure place where a car hasn't appeared for ages and now there's fuckin 4 all going slow. Or walking down an isle shopping and all of a sudden people all swarm and around me from nowhere. I'm probably just fucked in the head and let the little shit get to me too much

Had to laugh at that. I had to go to the 5th floor of a big shopping mall just a few days ago so up 5 escalators. Now I never just stand there I always climb or descend the steps. Not this time! At the foot of every escalator 2 or 3 Thais managed to get on just in front of me and Asians don't move so of course I was stuck each time.
That's maybe one for the "little things that annoy you" thread. People standing still, two abreast on an escalator.

 

[Beagle]

Had to laugh at that. I had to go to the 5th floor of a big shopping mall just a few days ago so up 5 escalators. Now I never just stand there I always climb or descend the steps. Not this time! At the foot of every escalator 2 or 3 Thais managed to get on just in front of me and Asians don't move so of course I was stuck each time.
That's maybe one for the "little things that annoy you" thread. People standing still, two abreast on an escalator.

So it’s not just me that happens to with orientals. I’ve visited Florence twice and both times I get caught in a narrow street behind a crowd of Japanese tourists, numbering in the hundreds all pulling little wheeled suitcases behind them, and they just stop, as one, and block the entire street to take a photo. So I’m stuck as there’s no way through. Then they shuffle along to the next photo opportunity, sometimes only fucking yards away, and the same thing happens.
I’m no’ going back to Florence.

 

[egb_hibs]

Not a lecture BH, just talking generally. Wish you the best with things mate.

Sometimes we seem to wade through an endless supply of crap, I agree. I talked to a guy yesterday who in the space of a week, his wife was diagnosed with a condition where she has currently lost the sight of one eye, his mother's former cancer has come back and he has a problem with his much needed car to get to work which would need four grand spending on it and so is therefore going to be scrapped. I mean, how do you make sense of these things all happening together.

One thing I always think of is that doing the downward soclal comparisons - comparing yourself to someone perceived as worse off doesn't necessarily help. It can actually make you feel worse in the long term through guilt that people are suffering much more than you and yet you're still not happy. It can also remind you of the extent to which your fortunes might slump.

I'm not so much into the 'think positively' mantra, not solely anyway, perhaps surprisingly as my favoured area of therapy is positive psychology. It sounds a great idea but it can mean the negative being ignored which at worst, can be dangerous. Far better to take and apply that positive feeling to yourself and the character strengths you possess and how these things can help you through and succeed.

Wise words but it's hard sometimes to convince the rational side of my brain there aren't some unlucky and lucky cnuts.

My mate for instance over years and years of card games was just lucky as fuck. Even when we got to peeved to play and ended up just cutting the deck for highest card, he'd land it again and again and again. Year in year out. Sadly also embodied the phrase 'lucky at cards unlucky at life' as well but that's another story.

Hokum it may be I feel the opposite. Pretty blessed but anything that relies on chance like aforementioned card games I may as well no bother. If there's any tactics involved I've a punchers chance but never if it's luck of the draw.

I also know other folk who just seem destined to fall into one unfortunate mishap after another

But of course it's all just probabilities

 

[Dub]

I buy something online, it arrives and it's fucked, or nothing like I ordered.

Get wifi/broadband connected it hardly gives you 5% of what you pay for.

Every traffic light is red.

Go on youtube for instructions on how to fix something and your problem is different to the common fix. Or the fix is there but it's in Tamil.

Google photos works for every *&*^ except you.

Yes I know you focus on the shit and believe it's the norm but come on, just gimmee a fucking break universe.

As @Tiger Prima will attest to - I get every bad bounce available to man on a golf course. my shot lands close to a bunker it's almost guaranteed to take an inexplicable 90 degree bounce straight into the trap. If two balls land in almost the same spot on the fairway and one of them gets an unlucky bounce into the rough it's mine while the other bounces straight down the fairway.

 

[Stu]

Wise words but it's hard sometimes to convince the rational side of my brain there aren't some unlucky and lucky cnuts.

My mate for instance over years and years of card games was just lucky as fuck. Even when we got to peeved to play and ended up just cutting the deck for highest card, he'd land it again and again and again. Year in year out. Sadly also embodied the phrase 'lucky at cards unlucky at life' as well but that's another story.

Hokum it may be I feel the opposite. Pretty blessed but anything that relies on chance like aforementioned card games I may as well no bother. If there's any tactics involved I've a punchers chance but never if it's luck of the draw.

I also know other folk who just seem destined to fall into one unfortunate mishap after another

But of course it's all just probabilities

If you rolled a dice twice, do you believe that the outcome of the first roll would influence the probability of the second?

 

[Green juventine]

View attachment 15252

1875 you've excelled yourself

 

[egb_hibs]

If you rolled a dice twice, do you believe that the outcome of the first roll would influence the probability of the second?

No of course not. I'm agreeing it's fallacious but it's just sometimes hard to hold onto that!

 

[egb_hibs]

Not a lecture BH, just talking generally. Wish you the best with things mate.

Sometimes we seem to wade through an endless supply of crap, I agree. I talked to a guy yesterday who in the space of a week, his wife was diagnosed with a condition where she has currently lost the sight of one eye, his mother's former cancer has come back and he has a problem with his much needed car to get to work which would need four grand spending on it and so is therefore going to be scrapped. I mean, how do you make sense of these things all happening together.

One thing I always think of is that doing the downward soclal comparisons - comparing yourself to someone perceived as worse off doesn't necessarily help. It can actually make you feel worse in the long term through guilt that people are suffering much more than you and yet you're still not happy. It can also remind you of the extent to which your fortunes might slump.

I'm not so much into the 'think positively' mantra, not solely anyway, perhaps surprisingly as my favoured area of therapy is positive psychology. It sounds a great idea but it can mean the negative being ignored which at worst, can be dangerous. Far better to take and apply that positive feeling to yourself and the character strengths you possess and how these things can help you through and succeed.

@Stu something you might be interested in even if you instinctively rail at the political dimension.

US studies of the mental illness and depression epidemic among the young find that it’s very very tilted towards liberal / progressives and within their ranks, to young women.

There is a hypothesis that this is because they are immersed in a belief system that makes everyone a victim of impersonal forces and without much agency (i should note that those who do the immersing insist it’s because their young charges are particularly attuned to the worlds problems and it gets them down). Meanwhile, the personal agency emphasised across the aisle seems to be useful in helping insulate young people within that cohort.

Instinctively this rings true to me from a lifetime of experience. Even if you’re in a situation you can’t do much about, I find that doing what you can lifts the mood versus resignation. It’s even, once or twice, led me to actually changing things I thought unchangeable, though in some ways that’s an added bonus.

What are your thoughts on this if you want to express a view? In short, I think the victim mentality is highly damaging, and it’s elevation to almost a policy decision in recent years is like a force multiplier.

The mental connection to this thread by the way, is my previous comment notwithstanding I’m a great believer in ‘you make your own luck’. In fact this is probably behind why I have to remind myself it’s delusional to think myself unlucky in games of chance but not so in things I have some agency in. I think this is the siren call of the very pathology I’m talking about - and the more people are encouraged to believe they have no agency to affect things, the more it mushrooms.

I think this affects Scotland at a national level btw. But I’ll not expand on that can of worms unless you want to. There are various reasons for this I think and they go back a long way.

 

[Stu]

No of course not. I'm agreeing it's fallacious but it's just sometimes hard to hold onto that!

I agree!

@Stu something you might be interested in even if you instinctively rail at the political dimension.

US studies of the mental illness and depression epidemic among the young find that it’s very very tilted towards liberal / progressives and within their ranks, to young women.

There is a hypothesis that this is because they are immersed in a belief system that makes everyone a victim of impersonal forces and without much agency (i should note that those who do the immersing insist it’s because their young charges are particularly attuned to the worlds problems and it gets them down). Meanwhile, the personal agency emphasised across the aisle seems to be useful in helping insulate young people within that cohort.

Instinctively this rings true to me from a lifetime of experience. Even if you’re in a situation you can’t do much about, I find that doing what you can lifts the mood versus resignation. It’s even, once or twice, led me to actually changing things I thought unchangeable, though in some ways that’s an added bonus.

What are your thoughts on this if you want to express a view? In short, I think the victim mentality is highly damaging, and it’s elevation to almost a policy decision in recent years is like a force multiplier.

The mental connection to this thread by the way, is my previous comment notwithstanding I’m a great believer in ‘you make your own luck’. In fact this is probably behind why I have to remind myself it’s delusional to think myself unlucky in games of chance but not so in things I have some agency in. I think this is the siren call of the very pathology I’m talking about - and the more people are encouraged to believe they have no agency to affect things, the more it mushrooms.

I think this affects Scotland at a national level btw. But I’ll not expand on that can of worms unless you want to. There are various reasons for this I think and they go back a long way.

Good post, thanks Martin. Will certainly look at this tomorrow and respond. Sounds interesting.

 

[egb_hibs]

I agree!

Good post, thanks Martin. Will certainly look at this tomorrow and respond. Sounds interesting.

Some ‘launch pads’

Is liberal society making us ill?

Social contagions plague a vulnerable demographic

unherd.com

Are American progressives making themselves sad?

Conservatives seem more excited about change

www.economist.com

Personality Traits, Mental Illness, and Ideology

Survey data show that extreme liberals have poorer mental health than conservatives. Could this be linked to greater emotional vulnerability?

www.psychologytoday.com

How to Understand the Well-Being Gap between Liberals and Conservatives - American Affairs Journal

In a recent essay for Social Science & Medicine–Mental Health, epidemiologist Catherine Gimbrone and coauthors identified a significant gap in depressive attitudes between liberal and conservative teens. This gap was present in all years observed in the study (2005–18). It grew significantly...

americanaffairsjournal.org

The politics of depression: Diverging trends in internalizing symptoms among US adolescents by political beliefs

Adolescent internalizing symptoms (e.g. depressive affect) have increased over the past decade in the US, particularly among girls. The reasons for these increases are unclear. We hypothesize that increasing exposure to politicized events has contributed ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

…an interesting ‘adjacent’ soupçon I read a while back and now can’t find via google is that public sector workers report being more suspicious of and less trusting of others than private sector workers. I can’t quite join the dots but suspect there is connecting tissue around lack of agency and distance from control over ones own destiny…or just the price of ultimately working for politicians lol

 

[SuperTortolano]

I think everyone on the bounce knows what unlucky feels like just following Hibs. For the few highs, there's been a shit ton of lows. Attending 22 Derby's without a win was either dedication, or madness. I still remember watching Foster score from the Cowshed with my auld man. Beaumont just giving up and the rest happened in slow motion. And then there was the McCoist overhead kick at the old Parkhead against the Huns. Fuckin gutting;

 

[egb_hibs]

I think everyone on the bounce knows what unlucky feels like just following Hibs. For the few highs, there's been a shit ton of lows. Attending 22 Derby's without a win was either dedication, or madness. I still remember watching Foster score from the Cowshed with my auld man. Beaumont just giving up and the rest happened in slow motion. And then there was the McCoist overhead kick at the old Parkhead against the Huns. Fuckin gutting;

It has to be said, following Hibs does make it hard to look at this and not wonder…

I was actually hurt less by the 22 than iirc the prior 19 (I mean now mental is that I can discuss two such runs) as the latter dominated my formative years. I don’t know how much I can trust my recollection these days, but it tells me of Alan Rough ambling out to collect a nothing ball in a game we dominated (but, quelle surprise, didn’t score) somehow standing on it, falling over, and Robbo arriving eventually from a different post code to stroke it into an empty net. Or, in a similar context it bouncing off his ample erse to loop into the net.

But no, superstition get behind me. The real reason for these things is that hearts wanted it more and for most of my life that has been the case. They tried harder all the time and that produced breaks.

That said…hibs and ‘fortunate’ just aren’t pairing up in a word association game.

 

[barney]

I think everyone on the bounce knows what unlucky feels like just following Hibs. For the few highs, there's been a shit ton of lows. Attending 22 Derby's without a win was either dedication, or madness. I still remember watching Foster score from the Cowshed with my auld man. Beaumont just giving up and the rest happened in slow motion. And then there was the McCoist overhead kick at the old Parkhead against the Huns. Fuckin gutting;

Strangely I don’t consider those games (most of which I also attended) as making me unlucky. I feel somewhat differently about them, and countless other debacles I saw.
They were all designed to prepare me for the euphoria of Sir David on that glorious day.
Without those disappointments, that day would not have been so sweet.
And as for being on the pitch at the end, don’t get me started on how good that was

 

[egb_hibs]

Strangely I don’t consider those games (most of which I also attended) as making me unlucky. I feel somewhat differently about them, and countless other debacles I saw.
They were all designed to prepare me for the euphoria of Sir David on that glorious day.
Without those disappointments, that day would not have been so sweet.
And as for being on the pitch at the end, don’t get me started on how good that was

You’re right. I’m ashamed to admit it but genuinely the two happiest moments of my life - if I’m honest with myself - were not births etc, but SDG scoring and then the final whistle. I mean there are other things, including those, that have given me more satisfaction, but for pure overwhelming euphoria ? Nope.

And it wouldn’t have been like that without everything else. Celtic fans can keep their gluttonous existence. They will never know what we knew. Even now though, I still have no appetite for watching it back because I still feel somehow they will equalise. And that’s not right. And that’s the flipside of what Hibs have done to me. And I’m not kidding - I can watch clips of the goals but even typing this the idea of watching the March replayed makes me anxious.

Edit. And the third happiest moment of my life was 3-0 at Ibrox in the sc in the 00s. In fact arguably that’s #1. I thought my brain or organs were going to explode. Never felt that way before or since, even on 21/5. I should get out more

Edit edit - but if anything sums up being a hibbie it’s that on full time I realised only we stood between them and the cup and I realised it would have been better if we lost to the Huns.

 

[HaarlemShuffler]

Strangely I don’t consider those games (most of which I also attended) as making me unlucky. I feel somewhat differently about them, and countless other debacles I saw.
They were all designed to prepare me for the euphoria of Sir David on that glorious day.
Without those disappointments, that day would not have been so sweet.
And as for being on the pitch at the end, don’t get me started on how good that was

I love this post 100% but somehow I would love to immortalise that "...countless other debacles" in masoned stone or summat. Must be the spliff eh?

 

[barney]

I sat up in the stand almost level with the bye line as Henderson prepared to deliver. By my side were two old and dear friends with whom I’d witnessed countless collapses, travesties of justice, hammerings, humiliations, and heartbreakers.
As Hendo prepared to run up, I turned to them and said ‘just once Hibs. Just once’
Just once indeed.
Fuckin brawsome.
(A tourists story).