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Is that for a repeat offence?
The All New Joke Thread
- Thread starter hibbybilly
- Start date
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- Jan 8, 2006
Not as funny as you might think. Murrell is a Hibs fan
Gorgiegreens
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- Mar 12, 2025
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- Dec 30, 2005
That was a repeat repeat… repeat offence.Is that for a repeat offence?
emerald green
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- Jan 12, 2006
Last week I was bored, so I decided to swap around the labels on the Mrs' spice rack.
So far, she hasnt noticed, but mark my words, her thyme is cumin!
So far, she hasnt noticed, but mark my words, her thyme is cumin!
emerald green
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- Jan 12, 2006
A priest is injured in a car accident, and is taken to hospital.
As they are wheeling him into his room, he regains consciousness, lifts his head and asks
"am I in heaven?"
The nurse replies "no, we are just taking a short cut through the childrens' ward"....
As they are wheeling him into his room, he regains consciousness, lifts his head and asks
"am I in heaven?"
The nurse replies "no, we are just taking a short cut through the childrens' ward"....
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emerald green
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- Jan 12, 2006
What do police hotlines and glory holes have in common?
They both rely on anonymous tips!
They both rely on anonymous tips!
emerald green
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- Joined
- Jan 12, 2006
A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, "would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit juice and a coffee?"
He declines.... "thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. Its this Viagra, its really taking the edge off my appetite"
At lunchtime she asks him if he'd like something... "How about a bowl of soup, some homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwhich?"
He declines... "Its this Viagra, its really spoiled my need for food at the moment."
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat... "would you like a juicy ribeye steak? Some scrumptious apple pie? Maybe a rotisserie chicken, or a tasty stir fry?
He declines again... "no" he says, "its got to be this Viagra, Im still not hungry"
"Well", she says, "would you mind getting off me, Im fucking starving!"
He declines.... "thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. Its this Viagra, its really taking the edge off my appetite"
At lunchtime she asks him if he'd like something... "How about a bowl of soup, some homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwhich?"
He declines... "Its this Viagra, its really spoiled my need for food at the moment."
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat... "would you like a juicy ribeye steak? Some scrumptious apple pie? Maybe a rotisserie chicken, or a tasty stir fry?
He declines again... "no" he says, "its got to be this Viagra, Im still not hungry"
"Well", she says, "would you mind getting off me, Im fucking starving!"
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2005
I swapped her mattress for a trampoline... she hit the roof.Last week I was bored, so I decided to swap around the labels on the Mrs' spice rack.
So far, she hasnt noticed, but mark my words, her thyme is cumin!
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2005
True story, got a new hoover from Amazon one Friday. She left it over the weekend as she was nightshift. When she was away at work on the Friday, I turned the box upside down, opened the box, removed the hoover, put the polystyrene packaging back and turned the box the right way up and put it back where it was and hid the hoover in the garage.Last week I was bored, so I decided to swap around the labels on the Mrs' spice rack.
So far, she hasnt noticed, but mark my words, her thyme is cumin!
On the Monday I was up at my lassies when my missus phoned me, she was going fuckin Tonto blaming the Amazon driver, the Amazon warehouse guys, I had actually forgot what I had done but then it clicked, cue me rollin aboot the floor. She eventually saw the funny side, I think it was the Thursday.
Gorgiegreens
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- Mar 12, 2025
Womens cricket
www.bbc.co.uk
England v India Third T20: Sophie Ecclestone misses simple run out as India set England 181 to win
Sophie Ecclestone has a moment to forget as she misses a simple run out opportunity on the final ball of India's innings in the third and final T20 against England.
www.bbc.co.uk
emerald green
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- Jan 12, 2006
Jesus walked into a bar and saw a Russian with a glass of water and asked, "my son, are you a believer?" The Russian said "no".
With a wave of his hand Jesus turned it into a glass of wine. "Well my son, do you believe now?"
The Russian frowned and shook his head.
The next day Jesus went into the bar, saw the same man with his water, and said "my son, are you a believer yet?" The Russian replied "no" and Jesus waved his hand and behold, the glass was again changed into wine.
"Well my son, you must now surely believe" said Jesus, but the Russian just frowned, and shook his head again.
On the third day Jesus entered the bar and went over to the Russian. "My son, are you a believer yet?"
The Russian looked up and snarled, "If I say yes, will you leave my fucking vodka alone?!!"
With a wave of his hand Jesus turned it into a glass of wine. "Well my son, do you believe now?"
The Russian frowned and shook his head.
The next day Jesus went into the bar, saw the same man with his water, and said "my son, are you a believer yet?" The Russian replied "no" and Jesus waved his hand and behold, the glass was again changed into wine.
"Well my son, you must now surely believe" said Jesus, but the Russian just frowned, and shook his head again.
On the third day Jesus entered the bar and went over to the Russian. "My son, are you a believer yet?"
The Russian looked up and snarled, "If I say yes, will you leave my fucking vodka alone?!!"