The All New Joke Thread

Forums New posts
Easy mistake to make if you're a Gunt.

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.
 
Lying on top of my bed watching the fitba and all I heard from downstairs was Eminem followed by Jay-z and Tupac songs.
I went down tae see wtf was going on and there's the missus... wrapping.
 
hibbybilly said:
Lying on top of my bed watching the fitba and all I heard from downstairs was Eminem followed by Jay-z and Tupac songs.
I went down tae see wtf was going on and there's the missus... wrapping.
Click to expand...

Deary, deary me
 
Bad news For Chris Rea, his cars failed it's MOT.
 
Wife goes to visit husband in hospital, and askes how he is getting on.
"Fine" he says..."except the TV movies. We had High Noon, The Good the bad and the ugly, The Searchers, and the Outlaw Jose Wales on one after the other, it's driving me mental"
Wife says, "don't know what else you were expecting...after all you are in the Western"
 
A policeman stops a drivers and says "Didn't you notice your wife falling out of your car half a mile ago?"
"Thank God" the driver replied "I thought I'd gone deaf"

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

A man says to his doctor "Doc, I have three penises!" "Good Lord! How do your trousers fit?" Man says "Like a glove"

A woman I slept with told me I had the biggest willie she had ever felt. Turned out she was blind and was just pulling my leg.
 
I'm getting fed up with people whinging aboot the price of things.
£1.25 for a cup of tea, £1.75 for a coffee. £2 for a piece of cake and £2.50 an hour for car parking.
Any more complaints and I will stop inviting my pals roond tae ma hoose.
 
hibbybilly said:
I'm getting fed up with people whinging aboot the price of things.
£1.25 for a cup of tea, £1.75 for a coffee. £2 for a piece of cake and £2.50 an hour for car parking.
Any more complaints and I will stop inviting my pals roond tae ma hoose.
Click to expand...
I’m surprised he hasn’t stopped visiting.
Or that nhs hasn’t dropped you off the list.
 
Watch until the end.

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.
 
Just watched some Jimmy Carr on YouTube.
"Necrophiliacs always think they'll get away with it but eventually some rotten cvnt will split on them"
 
Cavalier said:
I always tell them I don't have time to talk as I'm due to give blood...
Click to expand...
40 odd years ago we lived in Gracemount high flats and 1 morning I opened my door tae go out when 2 Jehovahs were about tae knock. I told them I was just about tae go out but my wife was in. I shouted through tae her that someone was at the door for her and told them just tae go through.
When I got back she was still raging and didnae speak tae me for days. :gigglle:
 
hibbybilly said:
Watch until the end.

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.
Click to expand...

Definitely staged. Who gets dolled up to go out stealing packages.
 
All that talk about Jehovahs Witnesses at your door, today I had a woman at the door asking for donations. I asked her what the donations were for, she said she was from the sperm bank!
She didnae half get a mouthful I'll tell yi.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
  • Menu
  • Home
  • Hibs Chat
  • New Posts
  • Just Back
  • Chatroom