Cowshed Graffiti
Radge Against The Machine
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2002
Heart of Midlothian Football Club today announced that they have sacked all their fans.
The Hearts support, who joined the club in 1874, were dismissed by owner Vladimir Romanov after a series of poor results. A statement issued on behalf of Mr Romanov, who from the end of the season will be known as Club President, said: "We have been disappointed with the performance of the fans. Results were not what they should have been.
"The way in which some events were discussed by the paying support was disappointing to us. It was been made clear that the only statement that is appropriate for the supporters to make is the mindless chanting of the words: 'I believe'. Genuflection to the club President is also appropriate."
Mr Romanov, who from the end of next season will be known as Tsar of All The Russias and Empress of India, added: "I'd like to thank the Hearts support for all its hard work. It gave 100%, but ultimately it did not work out. Vladimir Romanov and the club's management felt that something had to be done quickly. We owed it to our own ridiculous delusions."
He then outlined ambitious plans for the club to win the Champion's League, lift the World Cup and put a man on Mars by 2007 - probably Stephen Pressley.
In the interim, the support will be replaced by "caretaker fans" - cloned members of the Romanov family who have been trained to burl scarves and ask no questions.
A spokesman for the Hearts Supports Support Group, Mr A N Gunt-Romanov, said: "I believe."
Disgruntled Hearts fans gathering outside Tynecastle were offered an attractive array of one, two and three-bedroom luxury apartments from £100,000.
The Hearts support, who joined the club in 1874, were dismissed by owner Vladimir Romanov after a series of poor results. A statement issued on behalf of Mr Romanov, who from the end of the season will be known as Club President, said: "We have been disappointed with the performance of the fans. Results were not what they should have been.
"The way in which some events were discussed by the paying support was disappointing to us. It was been made clear that the only statement that is appropriate for the supporters to make is the mindless chanting of the words: 'I believe'. Genuflection to the club President is also appropriate."
Mr Romanov, who from the end of next season will be known as Tsar of All The Russias and Empress of India, added: "I'd like to thank the Hearts support for all its hard work. It gave 100%, but ultimately it did not work out. Vladimir Romanov and the club's management felt that something had to be done quickly. We owed it to our own ridiculous delusions."
He then outlined ambitious plans for the club to win the Champion's League, lift the World Cup and put a man on Mars by 2007 - probably Stephen Pressley.
In the interim, the support will be replaced by "caretaker fans" - cloned members of the Romanov family who have been trained to burl scarves and ask no questions.
A spokesman for the Hearts Supports Support Group, Mr A N Gunt-Romanov, said: "I believe."
Disgruntled Hearts fans gathering outside Tynecastle were offered an attractive array of one, two and three-bedroom luxury apartments from £100,000.
