Bullying

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Bofahibee

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Joined
Nov 15, 2012
So the boy came home from school crying today because a gang of kids from the year above had been picking on him. His big sister was up for going in mob handed tomorrow after school which is a proper no-no but I'll admit my first instinct was to go and batter the wee ****s. I've told him he needs to learn to be thick skinned but I remember what it's like to be in that situation and it can be pretty hard. I wonder if anyone here's got any excellent advice for helping your kid through this kind of thing.
 
Bofahibee said:
So the boy came home from school crying today because a gang of kids from the year above had been picking on him. His big sister was up for going in mob handed tomorrow after school which is a proper no-no but I'll admit my first instinct was to go and batter the wee ****s. I've told him he needs to learn to be thick skinned but I remember what it's like to be in that situation and it can be pretty hard. I wonder if anyone here's got any excellent advice for helping your kid through this kind of thing.
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School needs to be involved.there will be others on the receiving end so you/he does not need to act alone.

that said bullies need a taste of their own medicine
 
Kurt said:
School needs to be involved.there will be others on the receiving end so you/he does not need to act alone.
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Aye. I just talked to him again and he said he did tell the teachers but they told him to stop telling tales. I'll go and see the school in the morning. Thing is he's bigger and wider than most of the kids but he's got long hair and he's fairly new so the wee scrotes have picked up on the fact he's not 100% confident yet.

Kurt said:
that said bullies need a taste of their own medicine
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Absolutely. I just want to tell him to stave the ringleader but that isn't going to help. When I was a kid, I went round and got each of the gang that were giving me and my mates a hard time one-by-one. Ironically most ended up as my best pals...
 
Let his sister loose mate . I used to stick up for my wee sister at leithy on occasion . Nowt heavy but nowt wrong wiTH looking after your own imo .
 
Tough one. Being in the line of work im in i deal wih this a lot and the party line would be to tell the school etc especially as nowadays if things go down the social media road it can be so terrible as the kid being bullied can no longer leave the bullying outside their home.

However, as a parent I would always tell my kids to stick up for themselves (and others). My folks always telt me "if someone starts something, you finish it". Only came to it once in primary 6 where this wee dick had been giving me verbals for years. Im pretty laid back so it took ages for me to snap, but when i did I dragged him up and down the playground ragdolling and booting him until the heidie came and prised him out my hands. I have always been a big laddie so the boy was in a bit of a mess, but I remember enjoying it.

Remember a lot of bullying victims go on to bully others but luckily I slipped back into chilled out mode. Would hate for that to happen here. The highlight of the whole thing was when my old dear marches up the school with heidie thinking she's going to bollock me when in fact she gives me a pat on the back and told the gaffer the boy had it coming and he wouldnt bother me again.

I think now there is more chance of escalation whether it be the bully or the school (most likely with a zero tolerance to any physical confrontation) so moral high ground for now and MAKE the school work for you.
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Bofahibee said:
So the boy came home from school crying today because a gang of kids from the year above had been picking on him. His big sister was up for going in mob handed tomorrow after school which is a proper no-no but I'll admit my first instinct was to go and batter the wee ****s. I've told him he needs to learn to be thick skinned but I remember what it's like to be in that situation and it can be pretty hard. I wonder if anyone here's got any excellent advice for helping your kid through this kind of thing.
Click to expand...

My dad, me and my eldest laddie were all the victim of bullying at school. We were really tall for our age and all 3 of us had Dyspraxia (Motor cordination, reading and social integration issues). We were clumsy big lads and therefore didn't fit in with the 'cool' guys.

This was worse for my son because his mum and I split up and he moved schools twice. He was five and a half feet tall, eleven stone, with size ten shoes when he was 11 and had longish hair. He stood out like a sore thumb. So what did I do?

  1. Got him into swimming. Great for weight loss. By the time he was 13 he weighed ten stone at 6'2"
  2. Drum lessons took him into music where he hung out with the grungy kids. At High school they all find their own tribe
  3. Got the school involved. They got him involved in groups and asked an older lad to be his 'buddy'. That's a really effective system
  4. Asked his mum to get him to invite kids home. He started with one but after that his house became a cool place to hang out, encouraged by adults
  5. Organised a couple of trips for his mates e.g. Go Ape, Paintballing etc
  6. Improved my own visibility. Although I see myself as a smooth silver fox - to kids I look like an ugly tattooed skinheid with a lug ring

A range of options one or two of which you could consider
 
broonieboy said:
Tough one. Being in the line of work im in i deal wih this a lot and the party line would be to tell the school etc especially as nowadays if things go down the social media road it can be so terrible as the kid being bullied can no longer leave the bullying outside their home.

However, as a parent I would always tell my kids to stick up for themselves (and others). My folks always telt me "if someone starts something, you finish it". Only came to it once in primary 6 where this wee $#@! had been giving me verbals for years. Im pretty laid back so it took ages for me to snap, but when i did I dragged him up and down the playground ragdolling and booting him until the heidie came and prised him out my hands. I have always been a big laddie so the boy was in a bit of a mess, but I remember enjoying it.

Remember a lot of bullying victims go on to bully others but luckily I slipped back into chilled out mode. Would hate for that to happen here. The highlight of the whole thing was when my old dear marches up the school with heidie thinking she's going to bollock me when in fact she gives me a pat on the back and told the gaffer the boy had it coming and he wouldnt bother me again.

I think now there is more chance of escalation whether it be the bully or the school (most likely with a zero tolerance to any physical confrontation) so moral high ground for now and MAKE the school work for you.
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Thanks - went and had a word today. He'd complained the teachers and they just said 'stop telling tales' so I went and gave them a hard time about what their anti bullying policy is.

- - - Updated - - -

Gogs43 said:
My dad, me and my eldest laddie were all the victim of bullying at school. We were really tall for our age and all 3 of us had Dyspraxia (Motor cordination, reading and social integration issues). We were clumsy big lads and therefore didn't fit in with the 'cool' guys.

This was worse for my son because his mum and I split up and he moved schools twice. He was five and a half feet tall, eleven stone, with size ten shoes when he was 11 and had longish hair. He stood out like a sore thumb. So what did I do?

  1. Got him into swimming. Great for weight loss. By the time he was 13 he weighed ten stone at 6'2"
  2. Drum lessons took him into music where he hung out with the grungy kids. At High school they all find their own tribe
  3. Got the school involved. They got him involved in groups and asked an older lad to be his 'buddy'. That's a really effective system
  4. Asked his mum to get him to invite kids home. He started with one but after that his house became a cool place to hang out, encouraged by adults
  5. Organised a couple of trips for his mates e.g. Go Ape, Paintballing etc
  6. Improved my own visibility. Although I see myself as a smooth silver fox - to kids I look like an ugly tattooed skinheid with a lug ring

A range of options one or two of which you could consider
Click to expand...

This is all excellent advice mate. i much appreciate it.
 
Wannabehibee said:
And what did they say to you about them originally telling your son to "stop telling tales"?
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The head got a bit flustered and said it wasn't their policy at all and would talk to the teachers involved.

Thing is, in a way, he was telling tales - it's about learning how to deal with it. Gogs' suggestions are excellent. In the end it's all about building kids' self confidence which he's usually got in spades which is why i was so surprised when he came home so upset.
 
If you're looking to build his self confidence, when I was in high school, during the summer, I used to go to different events (I think they were run by "Young Scot"). Things like Mountain Biking (all equitment is provided) you go away with other kids, older and younger. Could be something to look into.
 
I had issues with it when I was younger.....

I was ginger buck toothed wi glasses ha so easy target.....

Started going to the gym and bulking up and they eventually stopped.... probably aided by the fact Im tall so looked a bit more intimidating quicker....

My advice for the kid would be that the bullies can do what they want but they will end up being a bunch of wasters and their only time at the top of any social chain will be in school.... they will fuck about in school and not get any quals... then wont be able to afford to do anything that your kid will be able to do... and they will be the people who wont get a job and live a shite life and not be able to enjoy anything....

I was there once... I know and now Im on the other side... travelled the world.... succesful job.... getting married I look at them and they are all on the dole with a fat mrs fighting all the time....

4 or 5 years of pain for a lifetime of happiness... always greener on the otherside
 
My boy was also bullied it hurts like hell thinking of him going to school to be picked on
I had a word with the bully's parents and that did help a bit
It again started so I went back to patents house and this time I saw why he was a little shit as his parents were just as bad told me to toughen my boy up or deal with it
As I said one on one maybe not 6 on one and by this time the bullying was more physical. I'm by no means a hard man but this time I went round to the house and basically told the fool of a human that next time his son hit my boy I'd do the exact same back to him so everytime my boy hurt so would he. Never been picked on or touched again. The father was obviously a bully in his younger days.
I really hate bully's and hope when the bully of your son grows up he can see what a waste of space he is
 
Was bullied in primary and to a degree in 1st year. My dad went to the school had a word it got worse. I lost the plot one day and set about 3 of them with a bit of wood from CDT and it stopped but I did end up getting suspended for a week so maybe not the best option but sometimes its the only option.
 
sauzee 1875 said:
My boy was also bullied it hurts like hell thinking of him going to school to be picked on
I had a word with the bully's parents and that did help a bit
It again started so I went back to patents house and this time I saw why he was a little $#@! as his parents were just as bad told me to toughen my boy up or deal with it
As I said one on one maybe not 6 on one and by this time the bullying was more physical. I'm by no means a hard man but this time I went round to the house and basically told the fool of a human that next time his son hit my boy I'd do the exact same back to him so everytime my boy hurt so would he. Never been picked on or touched again. The father was obviously a bully in his younger days.
I really hate bully's and hope when the bully of your son grows up he can see what a waste of space he is
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that is quite a sad story but unfortunately confrontation is the only language some people understand. In this day and age kids are encouraged not to retaliate and the good well behaved kids are often the ones that are picked on. In my younger days if I had went home and told my dad I was getting bullied I would have got a slap and told to man up and stop being a wimp

i also think it is commendable your son can confide in you, unfortunately my son would not tell me such things but would confide in his mum

the fact schools offer a zero tolerance to bullying should in future stamp it out
 
Fauldhoose said:
the fact schools offer a zero tolerance to bullying should in future stamp it out
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I admire your optimism...

Schools can only do so much between the hours of 8.30 and 4 - most bullying these days is done away from school and in cyber-space. Some bullying is actively encouraged in some households, in others not actively discouraged. Sadly, the mushroom of children and teens being given every gadget under the sun to log on to the interweb means bullying is happening by text, on Pussbook and Tweetville. And a host of other cyber sites in between.

The genie is out of the bottle with regards to our young people being Siamese twinned with their gadgetry - parents really need to be aware of what they are using it for. Better still, maybe we should be looking to curb their reliance and over use of the dang things
 
SKII said:
I admire your optimism...

Schools can only do so much between the hours of 8.30 and 4 - most bullying these days is done away from school and in cyber-space. Some bullying is actively encouraged in some households, in others not actively discouraged. Sadly, the mushroom of children and teens being given every gadget under the sun to log on to the interweb means bullying is happening by text, on Pussbook and Tweetville. And a host of other cyber sites in between.

The genie is out of the bottle with regards to our young people being Siamese twinned with their gadgetry - parents really need to be aware of what they are using it for. Better still, maybe we should be looking to curb their reliance and over use of the dang things
Click to expand...

Kinda hard when the schools are handing them out!My daughter was given an ipad mini from school a couple of weeks and at the meeting they actively endorsed using it for social media outside of school hours.
 
My two daughters got bullied from the kids and teachers coz the way they dressed and what music they were intae was ragin the teachers literally said they deserved it nae kid deserves to be put through hell coz others dinnae like/cannae get tae grips that everyone is different on 1occasion it was quite amusing to see the one bullying reduced to tears when her mum found oot oh happy days:) they all get what they deserve eventually


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