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The All New Joke Thread

Jack

Bounce Radge
CAN THE ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED ON THIS SITE. WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, A VERY ELDERLY WOMAN, SHE HAS BEEN PRIVATE MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NUDE PICTURES OF HERSELF IN VERY NASTY POSES, ALONG WITH CLOSE UP PICTURES OF HER IN HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 11 IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH IT. IT RUNS SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON. THANK YOU!
 

hibbybilly

radge grandad radge
Bounce Radge
A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger.
She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.
The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed.
She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair.
She mentioned this to her husband when he came home.
He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden.
I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?" "No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department.
The girl finished her bath and went to bed.
Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see it?" "Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."
"I know," he said.... "but the f*ckin darts team hadn't!
 

bigmanandy

Bounce Radge
What is wrong with people?
So I just went to the shop this morning for some needed rolls and milk. Whilst I’m standing looking in the fridge, this absolute muppet comes up behind me and starts TAPPING on my shoulder ignoring all social distancing rules, I obviously tried to ignore him (my blood was boiling though). The fool just keeps tapping and tapping and then...
THIS is where it gets interesting!!
So the idiot kept tapping .... See More
 

Forzahibs

I'm a Radge Donator
Bounce Radge
What is wrong with people?
So I just went to the shop this morning for some needed rolls and milk. Whilst I’m standing looking in the fridge, this absolute muppet comes up behind me and starts TAPPING on my shoulder ignoring all social distancing rules, I obviously tried to ignore him (my blood was boiling though). The fool just keeps tapping and tapping and then...
THIS is where it gets interesting!!
So the idiot kept tapping .... See More
That's a good one
 

hibbybilly

radge grandad radge
Bounce Radge
What are China nae good at cricket?
Because they eat aw the fuckin bats .
 

hibbybilly

radge grandad radge
Bounce Radge
What is wrong with people?
So I just went to the shop this morning for some needed rolls and milk. Whilst I’m standing looking in the fridge, this absolute muppet comes up behind me and starts TAPPING on my shoulder ignoring all social distancing rules, I obviously tried to ignore him (my blood was boiling though). The fool just keeps tapping and tapping and then...
THIS is where it gets interesting!!
So the idiot kept tapping .... See More
Choried 😁
 

NUTTY PROFESSOR

stark raving bonkers radge
Bounce Radge
An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery.

The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."

The Irishman replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results." The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.

The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner says, "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?"

The Irishman then said, "Look in the Englishman's pockets."

........

Archie and Jock are discussing Jocks wedding. "Jock says its all going well i've got everything organised, I even bought a kilt to be married in." Archie says "that's good, what's the tarten?" Jock says "I imagine she'll be in white.
 

Jack

Bounce Radge
Don't know if this is a joke or should be in one of the serious virus threads.

People keep asking me if this covid 19 stuff is serious.

Well the churches are all closed and the casinos are all closed.

If Heaven and Hell agree it's serious enough to be closed, it's fucking serious!
 

hibbybilly

radge grandad radge
Bounce Radge
Young Paddy invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Paddy's flat mate, Joanne, was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between young Paddy and his flat mate than met the eye.

Reading his mum's thoughts, Young Paddy volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.

About a week later, Joanne came to young Paddy saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner,
I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you??

'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Paddy.
So he sat down and wrote

DEAR MOTHER,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE.
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN
BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.?

LOVE PADDY

Several days later, Paddy received an email from his mother which read

DEAR SON,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE,
BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW!

LOVE MAM.
 

NGP

A message to you, radge
Bounce Radge
My Uncle always tells me "if it wasn't for the likes of me fighting in the war, we would all be speaking German now", which always confused me as he was in the IRA.
 
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