There’s so much about this that’s hilarious. Next year you’ll win the Festival joke
I did this many years ago to a neighbours dog.
It used to bark like fuck when he let it out.
We lived in the downstairs flat, he was upstairs.
He's let it out last thing and he would have a sly smoke out front.
After a few weeks of it going cuckoo bananas, I'd had enough.
I fed it curry for about 3-4 night's before the guy took it back in for the night.
10 days later I met my neighbour.
I said "How's Fido"?
He said " got shot of the fucking thing"
"Oh , why?" I ask.
" bastard o a thing ruined the carpet in the spare room"!
I said " aye, not good when they start chewing things"
He says " that I might've fuckin handled, but the fucker shit aw ower it!"
I said " would it not clean?"
" maybe if it had been one shit, aye, but the bastard had the shits for a week. The fuckin hoose was reekin"!
I had to beat a hasty retreat.
And laughed for about an hour.
Recalling it a these years later still brings a smile to my face.