Email From Wails

[Seven Tattoos]

I wasn't on the Bounce much last week; it's a wee superstition of mine to 'abstain' in the run-up to a big game - and it worked against hertz in the CIS Cup quarter final and, indeed, for the final itself. Anyway, that little rodent's afterbirth, Keech Jackshun, was getting right on my Jeremy Kyles last week so I thought I'd ask him a few pertinent questions about the motives behind the scurrilous claptrap, masquerading as intelligent comment, he writes in the 'Daily Arse-wipe'. He has yet to respond and I'm not holding my breath. Anyway, here goes:

Keith

How are you this fine sunny April morning? Well, it is down here in the Welsh capital and I'm hoping the weather will be similarly fine in Scotland's second city on the Sabbath as I fly up tomorrow to watch my beloved Hibernian FC in the Scottish Cup semi. At Hampden. Against Dunfermline.

Our preparations for the match have been seriously disrupted and the coverage and comments expressed by yourself have not helped. I wonder if you would have been similarly as eager to rub salt into the wound if your beloved Rangers FC were involved in an identical situation? If the inflated egos at Murray Park took it upon themselves to try and cowardly engineer some kind of pseudo-Idi Amin style coup d'etat?

Would you?

I don't think so Keith.

Do you know why? Well, that's a rhetorical question because we all know that you and the rest of the muppets at Central Quay work to a very basic demographic agenda, i.e. keep the lumpen bampotariat support of the huns and the tims happy. Your job depends on you telling bluenoses what they want to hear.

Fair play to you Keith, you're good at what you do. But why is that Keith? You can't do it all on your own. You sure ain't going to emulate Hugh McIlvanhey (the only sports journalist ever to win journalist of the year).

I contend that you are as successful as you are at getting the 'scoops' because of what could euphemistically be termed 'relationship building', but what I think it is more truthful to describe as 'media freemasonry'. Your major allies there are that little rodent, Willie McKay, and Caledonia's Judas Iscariot, the Dumbarton hard man.

Look at yesterday's back page (I get a 'Retard' every day down here) with its speculation about Broonie moving to White Hart Lane. A polite way to describe that particular piece of nefarious, untimely speculation would be excrement. I'm on my works e-mail so I won't use 'football match parlance' and type the more evocative term.

You and I and every other Hibs and Rangers supporter on this planet know that Brown, like another famous son of Hill O'Beath, will play in royal blue next season.

This type of mendacious non-story fills the sports pages on a 'thin' day and was clearly fed to you by that pathogen McKay. That's what happens, isn't it Keith? You (and the Daily Retard) and he have a 'relationship', he gains maximum publicity, positive, unquestioning publicity from yourselves and you get the scoops. Media freemasonry at its best.

And if it helps destroy the best Hibs team since Eddie Turnbull's days so much the better.

You demonstrated your lack of imagination there Keith. You tried the same stunt back in January by suggesting Katie and Essbee would move to either Celtic or West Brom. We all know that these Three Colluding Monkeys (incidentally, I'm not using that simian noun in the same way as Abu Jamza, over at the Gorgie Funny Farm):
- Keith Jackson, journalist
- Willie McKay, agent
- Walter Smith, former Scotland manager
have been in league certainly since the autumn. And their objective has been to ensure that the best home grown talent at Easter Road moves to Ibrox as quickly as possible.

Am I right?

I'm not expecting a response anyway.

To conclude, in a way I sympathise with you, you're only doing your job really. But I take exception to your tangible pleasure, as you enjoy the sensation of schadenfreude sticking the knife into the Hibs entails.

Anyway, I look forward to reading your prose when Hibs first win the Cup semi on Sunday, then that elusive Cup in May and then John Collins is announced as Manager of the Year.

Have a nice day.

[ECKtheHIBEE]

Absolutely amazing, I cant wait for the reply
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[Smurf]

Genius.
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[wee 162]

My new favourite word is "bampotariat"
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[Dub]

Another beautiful piece of writing. If you get a reply post it Scotty. Nice to see you on Sunday btw. Hope you got a decent kip at last on Sunday night.

[persevered]

I liked pathogen. Sums up that c*nt perfectly.