Albert Kidd's Marvellous Moustache

[Seven Tattoos]

Let's get one thing straight: moustaches are gash. They are the ultimate in anti-fashion. They tend to be the preserve of poofs, hairdressers (most of whom are poofs anyway) n bizzies. What is so important about someone's snoz that they want to underline it? Beats me.

If you think of famous people with muzzies, then most of the facial fur festooned characters who spring to mind are premier league fannies: Bobby Ball, The Village People, Graeme Souness, Saddam Hussein, that tw@t of a copper from Swansea who's always on the bloody news down here. However, there is one individual whose marvellous moustache featured in one of the happiest days of any Hibbie's life and that man is Sir Albert of Kidd.

People often refer to the 70s as the decade that fashion forgot and it's fair comment. But the 80s came from the toilet bowl of style as well. I was watching the Hearts TWTTTW programme again last night, with a pint of whisky and lemonade (I'd been oot on the p!sh with ma Dad, watching the rug-gah n that) and what struck me was how sh!te the Hearts team looked. Now I know any Hearts team looks sh!te (I believe God made Hearts in the image of a satanic turd, it would explain a lot) but Gary McKay in particular had a really naff shed. And in those days there were plenty of tashes.

As the programme reached that glorious day at Dens it panned in on Sir Albert as he entered the fray as a late sub. If you look closely you can see how his muzzie is standing to attention. I personally believe that without that facial fuzz he wouldn't have scored the two goals that he did. For the second goal, in particular, you could see the fear in Henry Smith's eyes as he is confronted by Sir Albert's Rampaging Tash. Hertz really did have no answer to it.

It is for this reason that I am growing a tash for the semi. My hair hasn't been cut for five months and, because of it's tendency to go curly, I look like I've got Kevin Keegan's kula kubes on top of my napper. However, it'll all be worth it on 2 April when I'm there with my dark blue Scotland top (Argentina retro), bad hair n muzzie. I'll be dressed as Albert Kidd and I would urge all other Hibbies that are going to the game to do likewise and grow a moustache. Especially the ladies.

Can you imagine that? 21,000 Albert Kidds in the Hibs end! All the Jambos would see is a sea of their nemises! It would almost certainly put the sh!tes up them and help Hibs win.

Do your duty, chuck that razor away. Make like Kevin McKee and be a moustachioed Hibbie (bowl cut optional).

[Seven Tattoos]

Mikey, cos I'm such a girly swot/sooky sooky bumlick I come in on a Sunday afternoon to do my admin. I co-ordinate the magazine's advertising now which entails a fair amount of administrative responsibility.

Anyway, I've not long had a good dump so I'm gonnae get up the road and put some fish on. Planet Earth's on at 9 and it features more fascinating animals than the type that used to inhabit the Crazy Corner at Swinie!

[Ignore Jambo orders]

Originally Posted by MadMike2

Just got round to reading this(yet again)fantasmic piece of Urban Radge Journojizzum
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The downfall for me,Swearyboy,is that i dinnae have enough fuggin time to grow a moustachio!
Will a durty mancunian scag dealer look do for me?
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Even if it looks like you've been hit on the top lip with a dirty skipping rope, it would be a gesture of solidarity with Sir Albert.

[hoagy boy]

Originally Posted by Ignore Jambo orders

Even if it looks like you've been hit on the top lip with a dirty skipping rope, it would be a gesture of solidarity with Sir Albert.

Haaa Haaa
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Dirty skiping rope is thier no a hold yir sides smilie there should be
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Qaulity IJO Qaulity
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[hoagy boy]

Originally Posted by Seven Tattoos

Let's get one thing straight: moustaches are gash. They are the ultimate in anti-fashion. They tend to be the preserve of poofs, hairdressers (most of whom are poofs anyway) n bizzies. What is so important about someone's snoz that they want to underline it? Beats me.

If you think of famous people with muzzies, then most of the facial fur festooned characters who spring to mind are premier league fannies: Bobby Ball, The Village People, Graeme Souness, Saddam Hussein, that tw@t of a copper from Swansea who's always on the bloody news down here. However, there is one individual whose marvellous moustache featured in one of the happiest days of any Hibbie's life and that man is Sir Albert of Kidd.

People often refer to the 70s as the decade that fashion forgot and it's fair comment. But the 80s came from the toilet bowl of style as well. I was watching the Hearts TWTTTW programme again last night, with a pint of whisky and lemonade (I'd been oot on the p!sh with ma Dad, watching the rug-gah n that) and what struck me was how sh!te the Hearts team looked. Now I know any Hearts team looks sh!te (I believe God made Hearts in the image of a satanic turd, it would explain a lot) but Gary McKay in particular had a really naff shed. And in those days there were plenty of tashes.

As the programme reached that glorious day at Dens it panned in on Sir Albert as he entered the fray as a late sub. If you look closely you can see how his muzzie is standing to attention. I personally believe that without that facial fuzz he wouldn't have scored the two goals that he did. For the second goal, in particular, you could see the fear in Henry Smith's eyes as he is confronted by Sir Albert's Rampaging Tash. Hertz really did have no answer to it.

It is for this reason that I am growing a tash for the semi. My hair hasn't been cut for five months and, because of it's tendency to go curly, I look like I've got Kevin Keegan's kula kubes on top of my napper. However, it'll all be worth it on 2 April when I'm there with my dark blue Scotland top (Argentina retro), bad hair n muzzie. I'll be dressed as Albert Kidd and I would urge all other Hibbies that are going to the game to do likewise and grow a moustache. Especially the ladies.

Can you imagine that? 21,000 Albert Kidds in the Hibs end! All the Jambos would see is a sea of their nemises! It would almost certainly put the sh!tes up them and help Hibs win.

Do your duty, chuck that razor away. Make like Kevin McKee and be a moustachioed Hibbie (bowl cut optional).

Just fought through a drunken haze to read That
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Yir Nuts ya bassa
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Im double Fecked im 39 Ncanny grow a decent mowser
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n no way could i get a perm I will draw one on though in Solidarity with your Idea
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[Murray6]

Originally Posted by Seven Tattoos

I am growing a tash for the semi.

No to sure about that comment.
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[Seven Tattoos]

Good point. Can I emphasise that I am growing a moustache for the SEMI-FINAL, not a SEMI-HARD on.

It should be pointed out that there'll be 21,000 big thrusting pr!cks there that day. They're called Jambos!

[GORDONSMITH7]

Originally Posted by Seven Tattoos

They tend to be the preserve of poofs, hairdressers (most of whom are poofs anyway) n bizzies. .

Mmm closet gay if ye ask me.Too many years in Cardiff methinks.

BIG G

[Seven Tattoos]

G - I can assure you that I have no Fashanu tendencies. Unfortunately, unlike Gavin Henson, I don't get to 'enter' Church!

Anyway, all this talk of Jambos n bufties is making me think of one of my all time bad taste gags:
Q - What do Justin Fashanu n Tosh Lines fi The Bill have in common?
A - They both died after huvin 'a bender'!

(I'm lookin forward to the outraged PC Hibbies' responses already!)

[hoagy boy]

The church is open to all,Seven Tats
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[GORDONSMITH7]

Originally Posted by Seven Tattoos

G - I can assure you that I have no Fashanu tendencies. Unfortunately, unlike Gavin Henson, I don't get to 'enter' Church!

Anyway, all this talk of Jambos n bufties is making me think of one of my all time bad taste gags:
Q - What do Justin Fashanu n Tosh Lines fi The Bill have in common?
A - They both died after huvin 'a bender'!

(I'm lookin forward to the outraged PC Hibbies' responses already!)

What a hoot. Ken any Paki jokes Tat?

BIG G

[The Goose]

Originally Posted by Seven Tattoos

Good point. Can I emphasise that I am growing a moustache for the SEMI-FINAL, not a SEMI-HARD on.

It should be pointed out that there'll be 21,000 big thrusting pr!cks there that day. They're called Jambos!

With a tash & a tendency to take your top off your sure to pull in your favourite hostelry after the game..........The Phoenix !!! Mind you not having a tash hasn't stopped you fae pulling in there before
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[Decal Joe]

I don't know if it would be Albert Kidd or just David Essex with a fluffy lip!

I do think you should follow this up Scotty! I think the sentiment may be lost on the uneducated hordes in maroon, but you'd certainly entertain us!

[Seven Tattoos]

Davie, I can assure you that progress is being made. Because I don't want to look like Begbie's identical twin brother I currently have a full facial flange (or WombBroom, to use Alan Craven's favoured term for follicles of the chinny chin chin variety). However, on the morning of the match the goatee will be dispensed with and the tash will remain. I don't care if it makes me look like Freddie Mercury, James might like to remember that the only time I ever pulled in The Phoenix was with a bird called Justine after the Livvie cup final two years ago.

Watched the hertz TWTTTW programme again last night. Sat up til 5 in the morning watchin it. I hasten to add I was absolutely feckin melted at the time. Red wine and Guiness tends to render me a gibbering wreck who approaches Welsh birds, shows them his Hibs tattoos and says 'Ah'm dead nervous about this semi, ken?' Unsurprisingly, nae bag off for me! Again.