does birth order shape us?

[egb_hibs]

this article claims that our birth order among our siblings significantly influences our path in life.

i'm not sure myself. i do see some echoes of my own experience in the article but equally some of it's pop-psychology pen portraits do not mirror my personal experience.

i do find that as an eldest child i'm more 'independent' than my younger siblings - i've always been driven by an inclination (or tbh sometimes an almost pathological need) to autonomy and self reliance much more than them - at least as i see it. also, while it's not something i seek out - i tend to find myself somehow in the role of decision maker in a lot of situations. i aspire to neither, but instinctively i'm far more ready to lead than be led. in fact i think my instinctive anti-authoritarianism, and railing against the established view is possibly somehow connected to this. at the same time - my version of it, where i both believe strongly in the need for merit based authority, while emotionally hating being under it, differs from the - dare i say it - more unstructured anti-authoritarianism which i perceive in some, which seems to me more aimless and ultimately about just wanting their own way.

this has upside and downsides. i feel i cut the apron strings very early - mentally in my early teens, after which time i cannot recall ever seeking guidance or solace from the family in a serious way - and materially, as soon as someone was prepared to lend me a mortgage. my younger siblings are much much less this way than i am, again with upsides and down as i see it.

with regards to some of the arguments in the article - i would say i am more 'serious' than my younger siblings. as for more 'neurotic' - well yes and no.

i think i see myself as less 'centre stage' in life than they do. i think i view the world more as a drama where my role is incidental rather than one that is relevant in terms of how it affects me. but i think i probably do fret over external things more than they do, but equally i think they are more self-absorbed than me.

i don't find any personal mirror in the point about intelligence - i'd say that academically, my younger siblings are streets ahead of me. but equally i think i'm more worldly and pragmatic.

negatively, i'd say i'm a bit impatient with those who eschew self-reliance. i'm sure the freudian analysis would position this as some kind of resentment at being pushed out of the limelight by younger siblings. personally i think it's a rational conclusion that the liberty i prize comes from autonomy (and that i was perhaps pushed that way as the eldest does not negate that conclusion). but who can say for sure.

on the plus side i think i consider other people's positions more - sometimes too much. at this point it's worth pointing out that if this sounds unlike me, then i hope it's stating the obvious to say that the egb persona is not 'the real me'. not that it's a contrivance, more that it's one-sided, and the 'mr hyde' side of me at that, which - again to get all freudian - is probably a product of having always had to be measured and 'sensible' in the real world.

anyway, i'm at risk of seeming self-absorbed in the way i'm arguing i'm not, so i'll end here.

what do you guys think? are you the elder statesman of your brood or the young and feckless one - or is that not how it works in your experience.

as an aside, this stuff begs the question of how the generation of only children the middle classes are ekeing out, will relate to these questions in future.

[Northern Ireland Hibby]

I think there's something to be said for the suggestion that birth order makes a difference to our personality but surely it depends on the personality or personalities of the existing child?

For example, I'm the youngest of two with a two year difference. My parents tell me that I didn't speak until very late, and even then I only spoke in complete sentences, as my sister spoke for me and I, therefore, didn't see the need to bother.

I'm not as good at conflict as some, which (if you believe in such things) could be argued to be for the same reason, as my sister could have started a row in an empty house. Also, I'm certainly more neurotic than my sister and would have more young and feckless tendencies, even if I don't have the time and money to act them out as often these days.

So, if the birth order had been reversed in my parents house I don't doubt that mine and my sister's personalities would have been different, but I'm not sure about the theory that you could draw up a definite rule which covers all families.

For one thing, my sister now has two kids (a boy and a girl - about two years apart!), the wee lad arriving first. Their personalities are pretty much the reverse of what I've described above, which suggests to me that you'd have to look at each person in the context of their family for the idea suggested in the Spectator to be of much use.