[Seven Tattoos]

Hibs have won three trophies in my lifetime (two in my time as a supporter) and finished runners-up in another seven finals. We've also won the First Division Championship twice but I don't count that as a 'proper' trophy for a club of Hibs' stature. Also, during those near 36 years we've had at least eighteen different strips. And there'll be another one next season. And the changes are always subtle as our classic green torso with white sleeves, known the world over, is retained. I think only St Etienne, briefly in the 80s, of Europe's clubs have had a similar strip. The changes are usually made on the collar, i.e. it's either a plain round neck, e.g. 2000-01, a round neck with a kind of overlap, e.g. 1985-86, a v-neck, e.g. 2004-05, a v-neck with a kind of overlap, e.g. 1987-88, or a polo top style collar, e.g. 2005-06. However, of these various sartorial styles the round neck is the most successful, as in each of our three League Cup victories we've always worn a round necked top. Though this season was the first time we've won green shorts in so doing. I'll be honest I'm not a fan of the green shorts, I would prefer us to wear white shorts and white socks. Those accompanied by that emerald green top and white sleeves just looks cool as phuck, smart as anything. It's so aesthetically pleasing that if it were a painting it would be the Mona Lisa, if it was a woman it would Audrey Hepburn in a classic pose. With or without cigarette.

Yeah, Hibs are a sexy football team.

hertz, on the other hand, are so repulsive that if they were a work of art then they'd a Tracey Emin tollie type pretentious, pointless wanky abortion in the Tate Gallery.

And if they were a woman then they'd be Nora Batty's piles.

****s.